Entertainment Binge

By Isaac White

What to say, what to say? It’s tough to get going today. I was prepping last night. All was clear and well thought out. Now, I forgot what I was going to say. But I have a technique that I learned by reading the methods of other writers. Essentially, they just start typing, and eventually, things start flowing.

I figured I’d share that rather than, “I was walking down the street one day. I saw Big Bird. He was eating Double Whoppers and playing hopscotch with Eddie Murphy.” Yes, folks, that is what I make up in my head. I wonder if I could turn that into a story somehow. Likely not. I’m just sharing the process.

Now I want a Double Whopper. Burger King, I’m here; I’ll shill for burgers all the time. Have you ever had their fish sandwich? It’s pretty good, actually. Okay, I’m off the foodstuff and the larger-than-life bright yellow bird puppets. I’ll never give up on Eddie Murphy, though, even if Coming 2 America was less than stellar.

One thing I wanted to do was go back to my trailer reviews. Things got away from me last week, and I didn’t talk about any trailers. Not that I didn’t think it was a good idea; I just kept going on about Jack Ryan. On that thought quickly. I reiterate that I liked the show a lot. I’m unsure if I told you the last season was disappointing.

I’ve never been able to figure out why shows lay an egg so frequently in their last season. My contention is that the show should have ended the season before, but because of various reasons (most likely money), it goes one season too long. Most long-running shows continue far longer than one season too many. I just wanted to say that about Jack Ryan because I think it needed to be communicated.

Back to the trailers. I’ve told you all that my loving wife doesn’t even read Entertainment Binge. She said she already lives with it, which is fair because both my wife and son are forced to listen to me taking voice notes while watching trailers on YouTube. Or in the middle of a movie or series, I pause the thing so I can take notes. I’m quite certain it’s annoying, but I have a duty to all of you.

If I don’t take notes when I’m thinking of them, I’ll likely forget, and then you’ll never get the whole experience of my vocabularic gems. I have to tell you something. I thought I just made up a word right there. You know how I like to do that. It turns out vocabularic may be a word. I don’t think so, but I’ll do more extensive work on that. How can that be a word? I don’t see it. I haven’t made up a word in quite a while. Merriam-Webster doesn’t have it on their website. I’m going with it’s an Entertainment Binge original word. If I’m wrong, feel free to let me know.

How many of you have played the Borderlands video game series? I’m sure a fair number of fellow treasure-hunting, loot-stealing, alien monster-slaying gamers are reading this. If it wasn’t clear, I am one of those people.

For those of you who haven’t played them, the video games are pretty straightforward. You play as one of a selection of characters and then set forth in the future. It’s the Wild West but with mutants and aliens. Your mission? To seek out these treasure vaults and procure the treasure, there is other stuff, such as the big bad guys, but really, the fun is collecting the loot and shooting up these crazy-looking monsters. You’d be surprised if you’ve never played them; how addicting it is to find the best treasure. Seriously. It’s gratifying to collect that purple, epic-level weapon if it fits your build-out, that is.

The Borderlands trailer makes it seem like the movie will be faithful to the games. Surprisingly, the visuals are strikingly similar to the games. I was impressed with that straight away in the opening of the trailer. They also appear to be sticking to the game’s state of play. Vault hunters are seeking to save a girl. Honestly, the trailer was so visually striking that I didn’t take in much of the story elements. I’m like a raccoon. Give me shiny things to look at, and I might miss out on a bunch of other stuff.

Which is kind of like the game. The story isn’t the draw for the games. It’s the visuals, the gameplay, the looting. I’m not sure if the story will be all that compelling in the movie. Movies are pretty different from games. You are controlling the characters in a video game. We can’t have authority over the characters in a movie. That would be pretty cool, though, eh? Do you remember those books from the 80s and 90s? Where do you get to choose the path the character goes down? Someone will figure out how to do that coolly for movies one day.

Great, I’ll miss out on that payday, too. Like I said, the visuals are beautiful. The cast is fantastic. Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Jack Black as Claptrap (the best character in the games) should give the movie a good starting point. I’m not sure that all of them would be my first choice for the roles. But they are good actors, and that’s a great starting point.

Eli Roth directs, and I find him to be a good director. He’s made some outstanding movies over the years, and of course, he was excellent in Inglorious Basterds. I will predict, however, that this movie will be a stinker. Yes, it looks incredible for the trailer. But that’s only looks. I don’t think you can replicate the feel of Borderlands in this way. Perhaps I’m wrong. But I’m sticking to my prediction. This movie will be a Coming Disappointment.

Let’s move on to the thing I watched all the way through. Remember the great fantasy movies of the 1980s? Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, The Neverending Story (ah ah ah ah ah). Well, that list wouldn’t be complete without the classic Willow. I’m not going through the entire plot, but the mission is on the shoulders of Willow and his band of castaways to save the baby girl who is prophesized to eventually save the world.

That baby is Elora Dannan, and the group of misfits risked life and limb to save her. I usually don’t do this, and if you’ve not seen the original movie, I apologize, but in the end, they save her. That must have been obvious, right?

Well, they made a series for Willow that will pick up roughly 20 years later. Or so it would seem based on the age of Elora in the series. To be truthful, it’s a bit odd because that movie is more than 35 years old, and Warwick Davies (Willow) and some of the other characters certainly look much older than this, being picked up 20 years later. But I digress.

Elora is grown up but has no idea that she’s the chosen one, the girl who was supposed to eventually save the world from the evil Crone. She’s the one who possesses the power to strike the evil witch down. The confounding thing is that Queen Sorsha (Joanne Walley), who we saw in the movie, helped to keep Elora safe all these years. But she never let the girl in on the fact that she was Elora Danan, destined to save all the world.

She was never taught any sorcery magic. Even though it was prophesized that she would need to save the world with her incredible magical skills, no one ever bothered to prepare her for such a task. Of course, the time approached when she would need to save the world from the crone.

An attack happens, and Queen Sorsha finally lets the cat out of the bag about Elora. Then, a group of brave people surround Elora to find Willow so he can help train Elora in magic, and then he goes on to save the world. This is, I know, basically the same plot as the movie, but only now is Elora grown.

You can guess how things progress from there, so I’m going to give you my thoughts. The show was not bad. It didn’t feel like the movie, and I know part of that is because the Willow movie holds a huge nostalgic hold on me. Even though I didn’t know the plot in and out, I can’t count how many times my cousins or my friends played that movie back in the day. It’s a classic in that realm.

This movie didn’t have the same connection, and while I acknowledge the nostalgia factor, the series isn’t as good as the movie. A big part of that is Val Kilmer’s absence from the series. His character, Madmartigan, is missing from the series, and if you don’t know the reason, I’ll share. Val Kilmer is very ill, preventing him from taking on roles. He appears in the new Top Gun but doesn’t do much but sit there, and it’s sad.

The truth is that Madmartigan was the best character in the movie, and he’s dearly missed in the series. Overall, the series could have been shortened from 8 episodes to 5 or 6. The writing isn’t bad, but it doesn’t build a tight connection with the audience.

The special effects are much improved but can’t make up for the lack of connection between the audience and the screen. As for the acting, I must say it’s lacking for the most part.

I didn’t connect with this series. If you’re a huge Willow fan, it’s fun to check it out. If not, I’d pass on it. Eight hours is a lot of time to waste. I do it for all of you so that you don’t waste an entire day on the thing. It’s not terrible, but it’s not great either. Take a pass, people.

I gotta go.

Thanks for reading, and until next week…..