Acceptance

Its no secret that when we broke the news to the boys about another baby they had polar opposite reactions. Big Brother excited and Little Brother mad at the world. Big Brother would talk about the new baby on its way to anyone and everyone who asked. Little Brother’s whole face would drop and he’d say something like, “I don’t want to talk about it.” or “I’m not gonna be a big brother.” People’s reactions to him were mixed, some thought he was kidding knowing he’s always been a jokester. Others looked at me as if to say, “How could you do that to him.” At five years old I am still in the fight to get Little Brother out of our bed. I have retreated to the couch just to have a sleep free from toes digging into my ribs or a slap in the middle of the night. When we shared the baby news Little Brother went to sleep in his own room in the coldest and loudest show of his feelings. He was so hurt he couldn’t even look at me. If he needed help with his toys or opening a juice I’d go to help him out of habit and he’d scold me with a, “No! I want MY bubba to help me not you.” This went on for a solid week. I couldn’t help him with anything. He didn’t want to sleep with me. He didn’t want to hear about the baby. He wouldn’t talk to me about his day or tell me stories. Worst of all was how he avoided eye contact with me. It was as if he was cutting me out of his little life forever. Big Brother liked to make plans and said he wanted a brother because he knows what they are like. Then, after a month, Little Brother finally began to ask questions like how long would it take to see the baby. Where would the baby sleep? Would the baby be able to talk? When he overheard us talking about an ultrasound he said he wanted to go and see the baby too. This was great news to me! He was finally getting over his devastated heartbroken phase. He got to see the baby at the doctor and was quickly bored with it. Ten seconds in and he said, “OK let’s go!” The other night he came up to me and snuggled with me. First he put his hand on my belly and looked at his hand. I was hugging him, so relieved and happy that he was back. Then he leaned over and kissed my belly and said, “I love you baby.” I tried hard not to cry. I was so worried about how difficult this new adjustment was taking a toll on Little Brother. I’m very happy that in his own time and way, Little Brother has finally come to terms with becoming a Big Brother and has now gotten to a new point of acceptance.