Submitted by the Akwesasne Family Wellness Program Outreach team

Bullying is not a new issue, it’s not “kids being kids,” or something that just happens in school. Bullying is a constant, growing problem that’s happening everywhere. According to the PACER Center, “this year in the United States, 13 million students will be bullied.” That works out to be almost 1 out of every 4 students.

Here in Akwesasne, after talking to many parents, coaches, and teachers, we are learning that bullying is beginning in elementary school, as early as first grade. Bullying is a problem that’s increasing swiftly, and for the lack of a better word, aggressively.

As we all know, bullying can be physical, which is unwanted contact of any kind; verbal, such as teasing, name calling, threatening, intimidation, rumors/gossip, or slander; emotional, which is often done by a group, leaving someone out on purpose, spreading lies, and humiliation; sexual abuse, which includes inappropriate touching or unwanted physical contact, the use of words to demean someone of their gender/sexuality, as well as posting inappropriate photos online; and cyberbullying, which is another form of abuse that kids endure today, that includes threatening, attacking, or ridiculing someone, and/or spreading rumors via social media/texting.

Children may not always understand when they’re being bullied because they might not be physically hurt, or they may believe the other child is “joking.” As parents we need to pay attention to the subtle clues and changes in their behavior such as constant excuses to avoid specific places like school or sports, drop in grades, and/or loss of interest in extracurricular activities. Also, bullying does not only involve the bully and the bullied; bystanders also play a major role either by encouraging the act(s) through cheers, laughter, and/or avoiding the bullied individual. A bystander may also ignore the bullying by doing or saying nothing, allowing it to happen.

If you suspect your child may be getting bullied you should listen to your child’s story entirely without interruption, and believe your child. To be an effective advocate you need to react in a way that encourages your child’s trust. Be supportive and assure your child that it is not their fault, and also avoid any judgmental comments about the child(ren) who are bullying. The most important thing you can do is be patient. Bullying can be very traumatizing for children, and the fear of “tattling” can elevate anxieties. Explain the difference between “tattling” and “reporting,” as well as how important their safety is. This is an opportunity to be creative and communicate healthy ideas for effective conflict resolution. Too often we are hearing parents say “ignore the bully,” or “stand up to the bully,” when those phrases just perpetuate this cycle of abuse.

When a child is a target of bullying parents need to document the events to develop a record or history of what is happening. This record is useful when talking with school educators or other individuals who may need to assist parents in intervening against bullying, and in more severe cases will be effective if law enforcement becomes involved. These records can help parents keep concise and accurate timeline of events. The records should be factually based, and should not include opinions or emotional statements. The most important part of the record will be your child’s account of the event(s). You should also include any communication with professionals, including teachers, administrators, or parents. Any actions taken or reports made can also be included. If the bullying involves physical abuse, you should also include pictures of the injuries and/or any medical records if attention was needed.

The Akwesasne Family Wellness Program (AFWP) is working to shine light onto the growing bullying problem in school, sports, and in the work place in order to address the issues and find out what’s needed to come up with solutions. AFWP is asking individuals to share their stories, and/or their children’s experiences on what happened, what steps were taken, and what did or didn’t work. All submissions will be confidential and collected only for the purpose of the exploration of healthy and successful resolutions for bullying. AFWP feels that Akwesasne needs to develop its own anti-bullying program to adequately suit the unique needs of the community.

Help your child put an end to bullying with clear communication, and lead by example to help your child to find different ways to resolve conflict, and deal with their feelings. They say it takes a community to raise a child, and Akwesasne is one amazing community. If you are interested in making a submission, please email it to Maddi Peters, AFWP Outreach, at madeleine.peters@akwesasne.ca. Sharing your stories could help save lives throughout your nation.